memory lane

Nothing in this world can take away that feeling. No matter how much fun you have, no matter how the amounts of people that still till this day love you can take away the feeling you feel for *.

At times I don't want to try and forget because it makes up me, and I like reminiscing about those times for my own good. But doing that am I hurting another? Am I being selfish and only doing myself a favor? Am I taking both sides into consideration? Should I.. ? It hurts to the point where deep inside, I engrave a whole which I can not fix.

You'll be smiling and dazing at things that you have no control over. Dazed out, staring in midair reminiscing wondering how things were.

I kind of know I'm hurting myself intentionally, but it feels good. Pain is pleasure, the joy that kills what else is there. Quotes speak to me, it speaks my mind.

The moon looks amazing tonight. It looks as if it hung with strings with a lamp behind it. Looks amazing. Funnily I hoped for a full moon

Deep Inside

Have you ever had that instant feeling where you can say so much shit about one particular person but deep inside you know you're lying to yourself? As much as you think you despise that person, you don't. Lying to yourself became so easy that you even forgot that you once shared a connection, memories and smiles together. Lied so much that 'ew' was an instant remark after hearing their name. Until the person who you thought took over their place proves to you that no, in fact their place still exists somewhere deep inside your, heart.

Going through something over and over, pain doesn't even become an issue.

Vaniishh.

If the world can walk away from me in a second, why can't I? If I can put up with stupid unnecessary shit and accept flaws, why can't they? Do I lack something or is this world just gay? Lying here always second guessing myself creates much more problems than I ask for. Why can't I just have the straight up answer without the ' if and buts' ? Why put off something that might affect someone other than yourself? At times I hate the fact this world is so SMALL. Absolutely hate it. Issues, past conflicts always follow you around yeah I understand but when will it stop ? Giving up always seems like my first choice out. Stupid stupid world. Just be gone.

I've learned to deal with what is, rather than what might be. I've learned not to rely on others because they can easily give up on you. Don't expect me to respect your words, they mean nothing to me unless you show me otherwise. I've learned to get over situations that will follow me my whole life. I've learned to not reveal myself too much so others can take advantage. I've learned to make things work with people no matter their flaws. I've learned to try and give new things a try. I've learned that karma's a bitch what goes around comes around & I am still learning because life, is full of surprises.